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The Colbert Report

Benh Zeitlin News/Business. Benh Zeitlin. (2013) Director Benh Zeitlin. New. (CC)




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Stephen 15, Campfield 6, Stacey Campfield 4, America 2, Tennessee 2, Louisiana 2, Nemo 2, Benh Zeitlin 2, Barack Obama 1, Maine 1, Boston 1, Sculptures 1, Washington 1, Mississippi Delta 1, South Ohio 1, Nana 1, Am Nateor 1, Los Angeles 1, New York 1, Monkey 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Colbert Report    Benh Zeitlin  News/Business. Benh  
   Zeitlin.  (2013) Director Benh Zeitlin. New. (CC)  

    February 7, 2013
    11:30 - 12:00am PST  

>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 1-67b8g here it is it is your moment zen. >> there's something sexist about removing the iron. who irons anymore. actually i[eagle caw]
>> stehen: tonight, a new plan to help our students succeed in school. if you add a vertical line, you can make an f into an a! [laughter] then, a new breakthrough in social media. you'll be able to ignore your friends' vacation photos twice as fast. [laughter] and my guest, benh zeitlin, is the director of the oscar nominated "beasts of the southern wild." he's about the meet the beast of the northern tame. [laughter] a new poll says that fox news is both the most trusted and least trusted news network. see, they do report both sides of the story. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." [cheers and applause] ["the colbert report" theme music playing]
how is it going? good to see you. what have i got here. all right. hey, all right! [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting "stephen!"] [cheers and applause] all right. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. folks, i'll be right with you. we are battening down the hatches here at the report. i just want to get all my equipment ready. i urge -- i urge all of you to do the same -- okay -- [cheers and applause] folks, i want you to prepare if you are anywhere from maine to north dakota to south ohio
because the largest blizzard in decades is poised to swallow the northeast. >> massive snowfall, powerful wind gusts, a major blizzard is about to hit the northeast. >> a historic blizzard could dump up to 30 inches of snow. >> there are going to be thousands of people stuck on the highways. >> travel could become nearly impossible. >> stephen: that's right. so please stay off the roads unless you have snow tires, snow chains or one of these things. [laughter] bonus, if you get stranded, you can cut it open and crawl inside. [laughter] can't do that with a prius. [laughter] worst hit will be boston which is expecting five foot snow drifts. my god. if that happens to new york, we won't find our mayor 'til spring. [laughter] [cheers and applause]
now this year the weather channel is naming all the winter storms like hurricanes, making this-- winter storm nemo. yes, nemo. so if you get snowed in with some young kids, just put on a dvd of the incredibles. it's a great movie. [laughter] very important, don't wait 'til nemo hits. be proactive. tonight, you're gonna want to salt your driveway, then salt your meats, and then salt your loved ones, because if it's as bad as they say, they may soon be your meats. [laughter] whatever you do, don't go into work tomorrow, it's just too dangerous. [laughter] [cheers and applause] i know i'm not. [cheers and applause] of course, my staff is, but as a
bonus, i'm letting them take home all the free snow they want. nation, 2016 will be here before we know it. that's why republicans need to start searching for the perfect candidate now. who will it be? jeb bush, half of chris christie, or do we track down that zoltar machine so bobby jindal can make a wish to grow big? [laughter] of course, experience tells us that the best place to find a winning candidate is the state senate. just two years before barack obama announced his presidential run, he was a lowly state senator. making state legislatures are the farm teams of american politics, which brings me to another installment of our sometimes-running series: "mr. smith goes to the state legislature, then later, possibly washington." [laughter]
first up, tonight tennessee state senator and lost weasley brother, stacey campfield. [laughter] i first noticed campfield when he demonstrated his knowledge of immunology by declaring that aids was caused by one guy screwing a monkey, if i recall correctly, and then having sex with men. it was an airline pilot if i recall. [laughter] [cheers and applause] yes, and if i recall, it was shortly after that that airlines stopped serving free cocktails to monkeys in first class. pilots couldn't resist. [laughter] i've long-admired campfield's heroic work protecting our students' morals with his "don't say gay" bill-- which proposed banning teachers from discussing homosexuality in school. yes, if you don't talk about something, it goes away. for instance, sarah palin. [laughter] [cheers and applause]
the we miss you. [laughter] sadly, the "don't say gay" bill was defeated last spring. but campfield is back with something completely new. >> tennessee state senator stacey campfield has filed the "classroom protection act". it would require counselors to report students' conversations about sexuality to parents. >> state senator stacey campfield says it's ridiculous to say we should shield parents about the information about their kids' homosexual activity. >> stephepn see? totally different. it's gone from "don't say gay" to "ga-ay!" [laughter] [cheers and applause] no evidence. now, i'm sure they'll work out
some system to inform parents of their child's homosexuality. maybe the report card. "look mom, i got three b's and a gay plus." [laughter] and teachers will have a foolproof way to determine a student's sexual preference. if any of the other students call him a gaywad or gaybo. [laughter] because those aren't terms children throw around casually. they are based on hard evidence only, like someone having the wrong color backpack or being the new kid. [laughter] naturally, this idea isn't too popular with the same-sex huggers out there. campfield's had some angry email exchanges with his constituents. which he addressed on the least gay of all news programs: tmz. [laughter] jim? >> what about the response to the, ah, constituent? >> yeah, that person is a well-know homosexual advocate and the biggest bullies out there are really-- is really the homosexual community.
steve. oh, yeah it's well known. homosexuals are notorious bullies. many of them spend their teenage years mercilessly ramming their faces into the football team's fists. [laughter] the important thing is this isn't about ostracizing gay students into a life of loneliness. it's all about education. we're teaching children, isolated by their identity, there's absolutely no adult they can trust. [laughter] next up on the m-s-g-t-t-s-l-t-l-p-w's. [laughter] [cheers and applause] nation, i'm sick of moochers who get paid to sit around all day. and so are these experts who are paid to sit around all day and complain about the moochers. >> more and more able-bodied people are becoming dependent upon the government than upon themselves for their livelihoods. >> in '91, individuals in 41 million american households were receiving some kind of entitlement. now the number is an astounding
107 million americans, an increase of 161%. can you believe it? >> the country has become dependent, more people receiving the benefits of government that there is a lot more people who want to suck on the teat of the state. [laughter] >> stephen: true. even worse, it forces us to hear charles krauthammer say "suck on the teat." [gagging] [laughter] [gagging] [laughter] well, thankfully another gop state senator slash potential presidential hopeful has a bold solution to this problem. and surprise: it's stacey campfield! [laughter] because once again, he has set his sights on the freeloadiest of all america's freeloaders: children. >> a tennessee state senator
wants to cut welfare funding for parents whose children perform poorly in school. >> listen, if your kid is failing every single class because who knows what reason, we're gonna stop or cutback on the amount of straight cash payments. if you want to talk motivation, nothing motivates like cash. >> stephen: and nobody knows that better than a politician. [laughter] [cheers and applause] folks, and these welfare kids are rolling in it. did you know that in tennessee, the maximum benefit for a mother with two children is $185 a month? and february only has 28 days! cha-ching! [laughter] somebody's turning some sweet coin on black history month. [laughter] and i'm not the only one who loves campfield's idea. over on fox and friends, the brown haired guy who's not steve doocy wishes this plan had been in place when he was in school. >> remember what happened to me
in kindergarden, i used to fake illness cause i couldn't recognize my name. i had to hang up my coat in my cubby hole with my name on it, but since i couldn't recognize my name i just kept faking illness. if my parents had been cracked down on and money had been taken from them they would have figured out the real reason i was faking. [laughter] >> stephen: sadly to this day, he still doesn't recognize his name. [cheers and applause] he signs his checks with a cartoon penis. [laughter] so i say, bravo, state senator-- or should i say future president-- campfield. there no way your educational ideas can fail. and if they do, we'll take away your government check, gaywad.
we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] [cheers an]
>> stephen: welcome back. nation, i try to stay positive, but facts are facts. i know it, you know it. american values are in the crapper. case in point, i just said crapper on national television. [laughter] jimmy, did we bleep that? >> no, we didn't. >> stephen: goddammit! [laughter] and now it appears that america has hit rock bottom with a new app on facebook called "bang with friends" that lets you privately nominate those in your friends network you want to hook up with. [laughter] you know what they say about sex, it's an honor just to be nominated. [laughter] now the friends don't know you've nominated them unless they also nominate you, in which case, the app alerts you both. then, it's off to meet for, let's say, coffee. [laughter]
i believe that's called steaming the milk. [laughter] folks, it's disgusting and perilous. when i'm on facebook, i'm constantly checking out my friends' adorable cat pictures. one wrong click, next thing i know i'm waking up in bed with some strange calico, coughing up hairballs. [laughter] [cheers and applause] [laughter] [cheers and applause] relationships aren't supposed to start this way. where's the mystery? where's the romance? what happened to the old days
when you would woo someone by waiting until the bartender yelled "last call" and then shambling into a cab with the first warm body that didn't actively resist you. [laughter] get it together, nation. fifty years from now, do you really want to tell your grandkids you met nana using a facebook app? no, you want to show them the heartfelt love letter you wrote to her one night at 3:00 am. [laughter] followed by an instagram of your junk. [ laughter ] it's the sepia that makes it so romantic. god, i hope that's sepia. we'll be right back. [laughter] rs andeers andusus
>> stephen: thanks so much. welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is the director who at the age of 26 who has directed his first feature film nominated for oscars. i will pretend i'm happy for him. please welcome benh zeitlin.
thank you for coming on. >> absolutely. >> stephen: what a whierlwind for you. >> absolutely. it's been katia putted. >> stephen: you really have. you are a filmmaker, composer, am nateor, something called click 14 a collective. what does that mean snrvelings a group of artists of all different kinds that come together to make the films, boat builders, sculptures, everybody gets together. >> stephen: did they work ton this film? >> they did stoonchts you are director and cowriter of "beasts of the southern wild." this is your first feature, as i said, nominated for four oscars. what is that like? [laughter] >> everybody wants to know. it's surreal. i don't know. you know, it's -- we never really imagined any of this happening. i've never been to los angeles before this happened. >> stephen: oh, you're going
to love it. >> it's a bizarre experience we never expected any of this. >> stephen: it takes place at the very absolute bottom of the mississippi delta a place called the bathtub. tell people what it is. what sp so special about it. >> it's a community at the wrong side of levees at the bottom of louisiana. >> stephen: why would anyone live on the wrong side of levee. the levee is to keep nature away from people. >> but there's towns that exist down there that have a way of life that exists for hundreds of years and they are rooted to the environment there. the economy is based on fishing and degreing all things very specific to the region. so the culture is based in being able to stay in these special places. what the film is about is the way the places places places art the moment. >> stephen: the economy down there seems to be based on heart rending sandness. [ laughter ] >> no it's --
>> stephen: obviously it's ultimately a hopeful tale but it's heart piercing at times. >> well, you know, i mean, one of the things that the film is about is the way in a the people in the bathtub not just survived this storm but also, you know, keep a hold of their joy and this culture that is incredibly sell bra tory and joyous. >> stephen: we have an example of that, a lip clip that talks just to take. >> but me and my daddy we stay right here. we see what the earth is for. ♪ ♪
>> stephen: it is unbelievably beautiful, joyous and wild when i first saw that i thought this is like where the wild things are but with people. [ laughter ] >> it is wild. you know, and when you go down there it's a wild culture. >> stephen: what brought you down there? you are not from down there, are you? you don't have a deep louisiana -- >> definitely not. my folks brought me there when i was 13 years old. >> stephen: about a month ago. >> it was last week. [laughter] and i went back to start making films there because the way they sort of -- creativity bleeds out of culture was something i wanted to be a part of. >> stephen: the day you started shooting is the day of the deep water horizon blow up. how did that affect your production and how you thought about that area? immediately it was not just endangered from the storm but
poisoned out of existence. >> yeah and these towns down there really exist on what they pull out of the water. there was a real feeling as we were shooting a lot of this film that we could be photographing things for last time. there was a palpable sense that what is happening in the film could be happening to this place. that and we were literally negotiating with bp scectsives to get the cameras rolling on some of the locates. >> stephen: did they want to you roll? >> they were looking so bad they actually thought we'll seem nice if we help the struggling filmmakers to get out there. >> stephen: it's better to seem nice than be nice. [laughter] let's talk about the young lady the star of this. she's nominated. she was six years old the young actress playing hush puppy.